TODDLERS AND YOUNGER SIBLINGS – Guest Post by Joanne Mallon

Earlier this year, I wrote in ‘Can I call myself an Author?‘ about how I had contributed to a book – ‘Toddlers: An Instruction Manual’ by Joanne Mallon.  The book has been a brilliant success raising awareness and funds for Home-Start and helping parents of toddlers with all manner of queries.

I am VERY pleased to share this guest post from the fabulous Joanne about helping toddlers cope with a new arrival…

Being heavily pregnant or with a newborn baby plus a toddler may turn out to be a bigger challenge than you might expect. Your toddler will be full of their usual rambunctious energy, whilst just getting out of bed is a challenge for you.
 
And the arrival of a new brother or sister, whilst welcome, will also rock your toddler’s world. It would be unusual if they didn’t respond to that change in some way. These are some of the reactions you may see:
 
·         Increased clinginess
·         Regression in potty training
·         More tantrums
·         Fussiness over food
·         Night waking
 
So basically, brace yourself for uber-toddler, with all the tough stuff ramped up to the max.  And you may also find that reactions like these start to happen during your pregnancy, as toddlers are very quick to spot that your attention isn’t 100% on them.
Many toddlers also play favourites, and are nice as pie for daddy whilst saving their most furious behavior for their mums. It’s nothing personal, and you haven’t suddenly morphed into the world’s worst mother. It’s just that your child is angry and toddlers never were all that great at disguising their feelings.

 
Essentially this behaviour is all about asserting your child’s claim on your undivided attention, and reinforcing their genuinely held belief that it really is all about them – which is why, ultimately, one of the best lessons having a sibling teaches a child is that the world does not revolve around them, and that other people’s needs deserve consideration too.
 
I remember when my son was newborn, feeling slightly helpless that I was pinned to the sofa in pretty much nonstop breastfeeding mode, whilst my daughter roamed around the house getting increasingly feral. All the active things we had done previously like baking and painting had to go by the wayside. Even getting out to the shops with the two of them was an ordeal.
 
For the parent of a toddler, having a new baby is a time of adjustment too. You may still be thinking of your eldest child as a baby, but now you can see just how much they’ve grown. You may be faced with their absolute fury that you’ve disrupted their world by bringing someone new into it.

Happily this stage doesn’t tend to last long, provided you don’t give in to it and stick to the same loving, consistent parental strength that your child needs. With so much change going on in their world, it would be strange if a toddler didn’t react to the arrival of a new sibling in some way, so challenging as this behaviour may be, it is normal and it will pass. Pretty soon your toddler will forget that there ever was a time before the new baby, and you’ll be on to next stage.

You can purchase ‘Toddlers: An Instruction Manual’ in book and kindle form from Amazon.

Joanne also has a blog which is amusing and engaging and really worth a visit.

Getting in shape after Childbirth (or not!)

Ok, Ok, so I haven’t been keeping up with the Fitness Regime and haven’t even fired up the Wii Fit since my original post! I dread being scolded by a computer game – I feel like a naughty schoolgirl, a feeling I usually reserve for trips to the dentist. In addition to that, the controllers need batteries and I keep forgetting to buy them and I’m pretty sure the controllers are hiding at the bottom of the pile of stuff Hubby keeps stuffing under the stairs…….. Anyway, I digress ……The first week started well and I was walking at least 2 miles each day. This doesn’t really sound much but when you have an unwilling toddler, it is quite an achievement.  The unusually hot weather at the end of September, beginning of October was a real help.

I found this website …. http://www.goodrunguide.co.uk/RoutePlanner where you can plot your run (as if!) and it tells you how far you have been which  is really useful.

There is approx 2,000 steps in a mile so if you walk the recommended 10,000, that’s 5 miles a day. As I was walking an extra 2 miles, I was surely reaching if not exceeding this recommendation but since I didn’t have a pedometer, I couldn’t be sure.  Not wanting to spend money in my quest for fitness, I have no way of telling how far I actually walked each day although I did try to find free pedometers online but to no avail.

In addition to walking more, we have vowed not to eat any goodies which haven’t been made by me which is turning out to be quite a good little rule. It’s encouraged me to bake cookies and cakes a few times a week and kept the ever-increasing food bill down.  I also find baking quite therapeutic and am looking forward to some new utensils for my birthday (so any suggestions regarding good non-electric baking utensils are very welcome).  Boo loves helping with the mixing and eating so its nice for him too.  I always feel baking promotes love and warmth for some reason and would like to think we are making happy memories together.

Now the weather has become distinctly more wintry and wet, the walking is going to become a little more difficult to keep up with so I still intend to get the Wii Fit out at some point and Boo, Chubs and I LOVE dancing around the living room every day so that must be helping. 

The outcome of these little changes have actually made a difference so far and I can now proudly fit into all of my jeans. I have been wearing them since Chubs was born but with the zip and buttons open under my bump bands (find in New Look, Next, H&M etc and are great for covering your tum when Breastfeeding).  Now the buttons do up fairly easily. I have also noticed less ‘wobble’ as I’m walking – before having children the concept of muffin tops and love handles were completely alien to me!  I’m definitely happier now I fit into more clothes and feel healthier in myself.  As Chubs is now 6 months old, it looks like the fat stored during pregnancy to help with breastfeeding is on its way and I know that if I want to lose anymore, I should keep up with the healthy eating and exercise.

The upshot of all this is that I am currently happy with the way things are going and my curves are much more defined than they were. Until I eventually get the Wii Fit out, I’m not planning to weigh myself and to be honest, I can’t actually remember what I weighed pre-pregnancy!

Terminal Bad Hair Days

 If you’ve had babies, you will most likely be very familiar with the old Bad Hair Day. During my first pregnancy my hair was luscious and thick and it could go a few days without washing and still looked great. This is mainly due to the fact that when you are pregnant your hair stops falling out.

On average, 100 hairs a day fall out of your scalp and start re-growing in the same follicle. As this renewal of hair is suspended during pregnancy most of us can expect the hair retained during this time to fall out when baby is between 3 and 6 months old. This can be quite traumatising at a time when your self-confidence regarding body image is not exactly at an all time high.

Cue blocked plug holes, hairy clothes and in food. Everytime Boo picked toys up from floor all we’d hear is “HAIR!” as he held up handfuls. Thankfully, after 3 months of hairloss, there is light at the end of the tunnel and you can no longer see my scalp as the tufts of regrowth are sprouting. Unfortunately, Bad Hair Days are definitely here to stay what with Chubs grabbing and sucking it at every opportunity and Boo, well, Boo giving me the kind of help no-one really asks for……….

To Three or not to Three?

So, after much deliberation, my dearest hubby has consented to baby number 3! The initial excitement has somewhat given way to a few minor reservations.

I’m 100% certain we will be adding to our brood but timing amongst other factors are an issue. Ideally I would like both boys to be at school before having a third but can we really start again with the sleepless nights after a potential 2 years of blissful sleeping? We’ve coped with the sleep deprivation this far after 25 years or so of sleeping well so will it really be any different? I suppose the hardest thing about the no sleep situation is not having the chance to catch up. When young, free and single, afternoon naps in front of the tv can easily be squeezed into your routine after a big night out. Oh how I miss those wasted Saturdays spent on the sofa under a duvet vowing ‘never to drink again’ This pales into insignificance when I’ve spent the last 10 minutes dancing, singing and giggling around the room with my babies.

The other reason for careful timing is my boys. Towards the end of my pregnancy with Chubs, it was very hard getting out and about with Boo and I felt guilty I wasn’t able to give him my all and the same was true in the first few weeks of Chubs’ life.

If you’re a Mum, you will be familiar with the highs and lows of pregnancy, childbirth and raising children. It’s the lows which I’m not looking forward to. I’ve just started to fit into more of my pre-pregnancy clothes and feel less wobbly and my hair is growing back. Can I wait a few years when my hair is back in tip top condition and I’m enjoying the benefits of a simmer, fitter me?

It’s just too difficult planning babies. Just as well Boo and Chubs were distinctly unplanned but very welcome!