FOREWARD:
I drafted this post a few days ago when I was feeling particularly enraged. Thankfully, I decided not to publish immediately and was unsure whether to publish at all to save myself getting worked up with the sheer hopelessness of it all. Only after speaking to a few Twitter friends and some lovely supportive ladies today have I decided that I need to get it off my chest and I am glad I took the time to re-draft and write a more rounded article containing less capital letters and exclamation marks :D
Anyway, here goes…
I love Twitter and the whole Social Networking scene in general. It has opened a new world to me and I have had contact with some genuinely lovely, interesting people through their tweets and blogs. There is a real little community living in my phone! Before starting my blog, I signed up to Twitter but didn’t actually get round to tweeting. It was completely alien to me and I didn’t have a purpose. I could have followed all the celebrities but I really didn’t know where to start or how it all worked. I was also living in my own little breastfeeding bubble.
I breastfed Spud until 7 months and he had the occasional bottle of formula before I was given shocking ‘advice’ from a so-called Health Professional and I had to give up.
I have attended my local breastfeeding support group for over 2 years and I still go with Pooh Bear.
Incidentally, Pooh Bear has never had a drop of formula and he is now 9 months old.
As far as I am concerned, what I feed my babies is absolutely nobody’s business but my own. A little older and a little wiser since having Spud, I have chosen, with the support of Scatty Dad, never to give formula to Pooh Bear.
This is a personal choice I have made based on personal experiences and beliefs. This does not mean, that I judge anyone who decides to do things their own way. I do in fact applaud this.
If you have visited my blog before, you will know that I am a Breastfeeding Advocate and volunteer my time for a number of projects which support breastfeeding Mums. I very strongly believe that every woman who wants to breastfeed should receive total support from all quarters. The media and other camps don’t always make it easy for us, the minority, to breastfeed with confidence. This is why I am writing this post.
In the UK, most women DON’T breastfeed so why is there a small number of self-appointed ‘Breastfeeding Police’ who continue to judge and push guilt on the Mums who do.
There is still a part of me which is regretful that I couldn’t feed Spud for longer especially since I am now armed with the information which would have seen me continue. I also wish he hadn’t had the odd bottle of formula and wonder how much is my own guilt and how much is due to general comments made within breastfeeding circles.
We are having a hard enough time encouraging more Mums to give breastfeeding a go without them feeling like they have to penetrate an ‘elite’ group. A group which has it’s own secret rules of which I am pretty sure I am only aware of half of. I am not going to list the usual bones of contention since I would be here all day but the fact that they exist only confuses Mums further and unless they seek proper support, they give up or struggle on when they could find a better, perhaps, ‘frowned upon’ solution.
Can we just get back to the simple fact that we are just feeding our babies. We are doing this in a way which we feel comfortable. I am not suggesting that we stop educating for fear of making women feel bad about how they might have done it previously but that it is done in a sensitive, supportive, non-judgemental way to ensure they feel confident and content with their choices.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Great post. Unfortunately there are always going to be self appointed ‘police’ on either side of the fence. These police however do not live with every mother and their children so the only person who is best equipped for the job of deciding feeding methods is the mother herself. I have had to ignore many comments about my feeding choices and as a first time mother at times they were hard to stomach. I think every mother should feel like she has been given plenty of advice on either feeding method and adequate support in implementing them. X
Completely agree. Mums know best and we should support them wholeheartedly. Really appreciate your comments
Hi Kate, love your post! With my first I found breastfeeding one of those massive guilt things that I felt like I should do and struggled for weeks being given all sorts of conflicting advice, I ended up feeding Bella for 15 months. William was born when Bella was 19 months old and by then I’d experienced most different scenarios re. Bfing so it was just a natural thing to do. There really should be more unbiased help + advice for anyone who wants to feed their babies!
Wow! You did brilliantly with Bella esp if you struggled. It’s so difficult with your first when you don’t really have a clue any negative comments could knock your confidence for next time. Thank you for taking time to read and comment.
I think your post is brilliant and I agree with so much of what you’ve said. I breast fed my youngest for 6 months and did make the decision to stop breast feeding myself. I had wanted to feed him for longer but the pressures of life with my other children got too much. He’s had terrible issues with formula and has been sick after every formula feed and I am currently battling with my GP to try different types of milk. I would feel very sad if anyone who bottle fed their baby thought I was judging them, we all need to make our own decisions for what works for us and our babies. I wish now I had continued breastfeeding my youngest, but only because he seems to be allergic to milk. I felt the support to continue feeding drops off after the first 6 weeks, there were times I needed help and couldn’t get it and ended up finding it online, however while the sources I found were helpful they were perhaps a little extreme in their opinions to make me feel comfortable.
That’s a shame re your youngest :( I’m really lucky to have a great support group round the corner and the health professionals are very down to earth and give ‘doable’ advice as it were. No pressure. The internet can be shocking at times. I’ve stopped googling now. Thank you for helping me publish this x
I agree with your post but, as above – there are always going to be baby feeding police on either side. When I couldn’t feed my daughter (she couldn’t latch at all and believe me, I tried everything) I was made to feel a complete and utter failure by health professionals. I was overwhelmed with guilt and struggled to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t doing the ‘best’ for my daughter. Her brother had been breastfed for six months even with a tongue tie so I felt I was letting her down. I now realise that I did what was right for me and her at the time and I don’t regret it. Breastfeeding is wonderful and will always be the desired way to feed your baby. I had no support when I chose to formula feed and I didn’t know how to make a bottle up or anything. Education on how to feed your baby is brilliant but it has to cover all ways to feed your baby.
Absolutely agree about more support needed for giving formula. You are left with just instructions on a can to do the most important job – feed your baby. I do understand how the NHS is torn between supporting breastfeeding and not promoting formula. We can’t ignore that formula exists just because it doesn’t provide the same medical benefits as bf. Breastfeeding needs to be normalised and everyone needs access to proper support as soon as it’s necessary. Thank you for your great comment
I think a big problem is that breastfeeding is made out to be a hugely important thing, and we are taught it at ante-natal classes, and is a skill we are pressured to master. It can get very daunting, and the expectations are massive. I don’t remember getting a single lesson in how to bottle-feed, make up bottles, sterilise them etc. As a result, those who at least try breastfeeding and can’t for whatever reason, feel like a massive failure, which isn’t always the case. And then those who choose to bottle feed and not even try breastfeeding are vindicated in their decision, by seeing that it is so easy, you don’t even need to be shown how. Health professionals should show the pros and cons of each, and let people make their own choices. I would choose breastfeeding every time, but am not going to critisise others for feeling that they can’t make that choice. Saying that, I won’t give much time to silly young things who refuse to even try because of cosmetic reasons, and then assume those that breastfeed must be ‘posh’ or self-righteous because of it. I have met plenty of mums with that attitude towards me, and they can feck off and make their own choice, just as I am doing.
There is a definite lack of responsible education on offer. I really believe that if you are fully informed and receive appropriate abduction comprehensive support that 99% of women would breastfeed without thinking about it. Education needs to start young and bf needs to be normalised so women aren’t over-thinking the process and putting too much pressure on themselves which is counter-productive. Lol! Re your last comment. It makes even the most confident parent doubt themselves though doesn’t it.
Fab post, your right we are all just doing what we can for the best and should all try and be non judgemental. I only lasted a week with my first, they gave me such a hard time then week three they found out he was tongue tied so explained why it wasn’t working as well as it should have, shame it wasn’t spotted earlier! x
It’s women with experiences like you who I hope to help through volunteering. It’s sad when you aren’t given the correct help and it leads to you stopping before you are ready. I know from my own experience. Thanks for commenting Mrs x
I have finally got myself sat down all comfy to read this! The debate is still very much on fire isn’t it and like you it particularly riles me. I hate people’s opinions being forced on people as it is and it makes me so angry that people are made to feel inadequate by other Mum’s. It’s a personal choice and more importantly it’s what RIGHT for your baby. There are issues either way and people that aren’t narrow minded know that feeding is not so clear cut for every baby. You know I fed my son for 7 months, I was determined and it was the right thing for me to do. When he stopped naturally we progressed to formula – I didn’t really want this but it obviously needed the nourishment from somewhere else. I will admit to hating taking the formula bottle out in public and feeding him, not so much that I had a problem with it but I didn’t want people to think that he had been formula fed all along. Makes me sound terrible but I was so proud of what I had done for him I didn’t want anything to make me feel less of a Mum. My preconceptions at the time came from a couple of Mum’s that I knew that bottle fed straight away without trying. I didn’t like that but again it’s personal and people should respect it, second time round I certainly will. Fabulous post…and I hope it’s helped offloading to us lot! xx
That’s exactly how I felt when I had to stop. I was judging myself of course but that’s what happens when life doesn’t go exactly to your plan. I think you are more relaxed about everything second time round and you learn its just not worth it.
yep, thanks for your encouragement. I’ve had a brilliant response and it’s brought up a whole load of issue to discuss x
Brilliant post! I breastfed my daughter until she was 14months old. She was in hosp for first week of life, so on IV drip, then teet pipettes of my milk + formula. Due to complications such as oral thrush, she ended up having to have some formula, but I persevered, with nipple guards, with mastitis too and I am so glad I did because I loved breastfeeding her. But at the same time, I would never judge a woman for choosing not to breastfeed. In fact someone made a good point to me, she said that some formulas are now so well made, that they are potentially better than breast milk from someone eating a poor diet. Not sure how factually correct that it, but it is food (no pun intended) for thought. Of course there is more to it than just nutrition, but a mother’s love is a mother’s love, just speak to now adult children who have wonderful relationships with mothers who bottle fed them, they’ll tell you.
Enjoyed reading this :)
I’m in favour of making sure both groups are supported and can feel comfortable whichever way they go with it. As you know I’m trying to help do this in a general way with BFFC to normalise breastfeeding and encourage breastfeeding women to get out and about etc – but I share the frustration with the politics of it too. Despite being perfectly confident about my own decisions, I did actually feel excluded from another local project I would otherwise have liked to volunteer for which stipulated you had to have been a breastfeeding mother to volunteer (they may have changed that since). I felt that did indeed make it a secret club and missed the point that someone who has had trouble feeding themselves can relate pretty well too! That made more of a judgement to me than any fellow mum ever did. But as usual, silver lining, makes me a bit more competitive in the stuff I am doing :) x (hope that rambley reply makes sense!)
Total sense. The debate and any judgement on this issue is pointless and is counterproductive. Energies would be better spent giving Women who want to breastfeed adequate support and better guidance to women who choose or have to formula feed. You are doing really well with our current project. Glad I managed another venue today x
Oooh and yes, if you’ve had problems feeding, there’s no reason you can’t give great advice and I would have thought that would be a great reason to get involved.